Forgiveness

I have been pondering for quite some time now, about what forgiveness means to me and how to literally forgive. I am working through some personal stuff and experiencing major PTSD; old memories and flashbacks occur regularly and feelings of fear, anger, and being wrong, followed by blame, and then all the pesky behavior which are defense mechanisms arise to the surface.

I am in a state of war within myself. I can relate to Uncle Iroh's advice to his nephew Prince Zuko from the series Avatar the last Airbender, which echoes in my mind; “ Prince Zuko, Born in you along with all the strife is the power to restore balance to the world.” According to me, he was referring to the ability to face the demons, forgive them and then shine the light which needs to be shined.

Forgiving oneself and others is hard if we are raised in an environment wherein mistakes are frowned upon. If one is shamed, bullied, and even sent on a guilt trip for the mistakes they have made, to an extent wherein taking action and making any decisions basically could cripple the person from the fear of making a mistake and being punished for it.

If forgiveness doesn't come easily, it's okay. The first step is to accept the emotion whatever it is, and also accept that One needs forgiveness. Addressing the reason why forgiveness is so hard for me is an essential way to get to it.

I am still figuring out and exploring forgiveness and I blew it off sometimes, but I have gotten better over the years. I also dont necessarily want to fake it, true forgiveness allows me to move past the pain, see the person as a human being and helps radiate love. When I rush the process of forgiveness, I find the whole process extremely painful as I am faking being okay when I am really not, it curbes my authenciticty.

Soooooo the journey with forgiveness beging and continues.

Divya Ramani